Sometimes when I post a blog, I feel like that kid at the party who comes in hot, hands in the air with all the energy in the world, you know the guy I'm talking about, the one expecting a celebration in honor of his arrival, only to be met with a few head nods and a severe lack of enthusiasm.  Sometimes it's really hard to get on here and start typing when I'm constantly questioning whether or not I'm reaching people or if anyone really cares besides my parents what is posted here.  

Also, life, man.  
Clearly, judging by my last blog post, I've been going through some real tough shit.  I've been doing some much needed work on myself, and taking a break from The Jones was unintentional but necessary.  Obligations had taken precedence, and my availability for me-time had been significantly reduced.  All for good things, mind you, like working hard editing for Home Free, FINALLY enrolling in an on-camera acting class, and keeping up (kinda) with work and friends and meals.  

Having said that, I just crushed a bunch of bullet points on my to-do list, so coming back to The Jones was essential.  I was met with so much love and encouragement after my last post, and after a period of so much self doubt and depression, to feel so much relief and positivity from you guys was healing.  So, thank you for that, and hopefully the little breaks I take don't push you all away because there's so much more in store!  

I'm here today to talk about my latest trip to Seattle with the two best things Rider University gave me.

Piggybacking off of the vibe of my last post, let's talk about anxiety, shall we?!  Throughout my life I've dealt with anxiety, but I didn't realize it was an issue until I graduated college.  I thought that was just how everyone felt maneuvering through friendships in school.  When we were in college, Sar, Ame and our entire circle of friends became my family, but there was so much anxiety inside of myself that was not being dealt with, that left me in a constant state of doubt.  "Did my friends really want me around?  Was I funny enough to be in the same room as them? (My college friends are some of the hands down funniest people I know.)  If they didn't text me to come over that probably means I should stay in my dorm alone because they don't want me there; ohmygod Sami why did you just say that now you look so lame all your friends can't stand you; I'm kind of tired, but if I leave the room right now they're totally gonna talk about me, but if I stay in the room they're all just going to wish I would leave it....I'll just stay here awkwardly and wait for someone else to leave so I'm not the first one.."  I mean these are just some of the thoughts that ran through my head constantly for four years.  

This is the kind of work I've been trying to do on myself in the last four years since graduation.  And to be fair, I've come pretty frickin' far.  But, sometimes being thrown into a familiar situation from your past can put your emotions right back there, too.  Mind you, my time in Seattle with my two favorite girls was some of my best spent time in 2017, but like I said, I want to talk about the uncomfortable, and show all sides of me when I can.  So yes, paired with the bliss, nostalgia, and overwhelming joy to be exploring a new city with two of my most cherished friends, crept in some self-doubt, some over-analyzation, and some anxiety.  Of course, the latter did not serve me to waste my time thinking about, especially because obviously I was wanted there, and so I chose not to dwell in that and to have the best time possible, and I succeeded in that.  If nothing else, it was a reminder that the work we do on ourselves is never-ending.  And that's okay. 

Now that that's out of the way, here's some photos and a special bonus video I put together of the four perfect days we spent drinking, eating, laughing, witnessing a man take a dump in a parking lot, and exploring in Seattle!

Seattle, and Pike Place specifically, is a place I've been wanting to visit pretty much ever since March 27, 2005.  (The day Grey's Anatomy first aired.)  And, of course, this desire was reinforced every time they visited Pike Place on a cheesy date on the Bachelor/ette.  I fell in love with the city pretty immediately.  The natural beauty of the water and the mountains and the trees and the CLOUDS my god the clouds, combined with the industrial beauty of the old and new architecture, the cobblestone alleyways; everything about it, I was sold.  

This bar, pictured underneath, had moscow mules on tap.  So, basically, yes please.  It's called Montana and there's no website but if you're in Seattle you should go!

Warning: The following photo is NSFW!  You will get hot and bothered!  No? Only I get turned on by food?  Cool, cool, cool, I'll let myself out.  But for REAL.  If you're ever in Seattle and you want to start your day RIGHT, head to The Wandering Goose in Capitol Hill.  Their biscuits will ruin biscuits for you.  In the best.  Way.  Possible. 

We drank a lot of beer.  And a lot of wine.  And some cocktails thrown in between.  Basically we drank a lot.  But one of my favorites was this beer right here.  We sat at one of those long beer garden tables getting trampled by Amy in scrabble, listening to soul, bathing in sun, and sipping on local beers.  A perfect setting if you ask me. 

In college, everyone called us the moms.  We call each other mom.  It's hard to say where exactly that started, but it's pretty much the foundation of our relationship.  Nothing makes me happier than looking at the picture of the three of us at graduation and then the three of us now.  I love these moms wholeheartedly and I'm so lucky to have been able to share a friendship with them for the past EIGHT years.  How crazy is that?!  I was an underdeveloped infant when I met them.  We grew together, we grew separately, and now we're all becoming who we're going to be and the love runs so deep because we knew and loved each other before it all.

A west coast pizza this east coast girl approves of?!  Unheard of!  (Almost.)  Again, huge recommendation if you're in Seattle:  Pizzeria Pulcinella, where they serve your meals on placemats that are maps of Italy, like every authentic Italian place should. 

That's all the photos I've got for today you guys!  

I don't want to tell you how much money I spent in four days but $700 is a lot of money so I've been grinding since I've been back trying to make up for it.  Whatever, we were yolo-ing.  

My heart was so full but also pretty achey leaving, unsure of when we'd all be together next.  Sar and Ame are so special to me, and I'm so glad to have had made some new memories to look back on with them.  Enjoy this little video I made of our time!  I had so much fun making it, and I think I'm gonna do stuff like this more often moving forward!  Let me know what you think! 

Have an amazing day, and if you're like me, don't let your fears and inner battles stop you from living your life and loving on your friends.  Friends are so important, and you are so loved.

XO