baby steps
An excerpt from my notepad:
February 6, 2020. 4:04 pm.
“I’m so proud of myself. I took a small step today towards my future. A step so small that, on paper, looks like it has nothing to do with my overall goal. Most ‘first steps’ look that way, which is why for so long I was scared to make them. Thinking they were a distraction from my main focus. The wrong road leading me away from my final destination. But I have finally started saying yes to the opportunities presenting themselves to me and trusting that I’ll be led straight to the life I’ve always dreamt of. I’m choosing not to think of photography as the wrong way, and instead as a detour. Not the path I planned to take, but the one that is available to me.”
I jotted this down in the Notes app on my phone after I got back from a photoshoot the other day. Why so reflective? Well, this shoot was a bit different than any other so far. It was the first shoot I booked and envisioned ever since shifting my perspective. Like the entry says, I'd been scared of putting my heart into photography and really pursuing it, because I thought that that meant I was moving further away from ever having an acting career. Disclaimer: acting is still my ultimate goal and no amount of, “but you’re a really great photographer/editor/writer/etc., you should really pursue that instead,” is ever going to change that.
But, with the help of a few conversations with loved ones, I’ve been able to shift my outlook to believe that the opportunities presenting themselves to me must be followed. Taking my photography seriously and actually launching my business, I believe, is going to lead me down my unique path to becoming an actor. Because there is no “one way” to success. I believe this is my way.
So, step one, I have to revamp my website and update my portfolio. I wrote out a list of people who I know and don’t have many photos of, if any, to add some variety. The first person to get back to me was my friend Mike Shea. Once he agreed to shoot, I created a mood board. I want my portfolio to represent the kind of photographer I want to be, rather than the photographer who I was in the past. So I created a mood board that represented a vibe I’ve never really captured before but always wanted to. Wardrobe: suit and tie, but untucked and a liiiiiittttle bit disheveled. Found some grungy areas near me on Google Earth, and two days later was the shoot.
the mood board:
Basically, I wanted the wardrobe not to match the location at all. I wanted to end up with photos that looked like this guy went through some shit right before these photos were taken.
I was SO nervous when we began. I was trying so hard to be cool and collected but I definitely was not. At least, I did not start out that way. After all, I’m to be using these photos to present myself to the world as a professional photographer. I wanted so badly to get it right.
I took deep breaths, took my time really directing him and making sure I was communicating my vision effectively, and I gotta say I am really proud of the outcome. Creating the mood board was a KEY factor in keeping my cool. If I was having any creative trouble, I referred back to the board. If I couldn’t figure out why something wasn’t working, I referred back to the board. It really was the foundation of this photoshoot that kept it afloat, and I highly recommend every photographer adopt this habit.
I’ll break down the shoot by location.
public staircase:
Here, my direction was pretty much, “as slouchy as possible,” with a little bit of “the fuck are you lookin at?!” thrown in. I wanted you to feel like you were observing someone hurting, and they start to notice you observing them.
I used our Canon 5d Mark III, and switched between our 24mm 1.4 lens and our 70-200mm 2.8 lens.
parking garage:
This set was impromptu. The second location required me to park in a garage that I use pretty frequently. The way the light squeezes through the beams has always intrigued me, and I thought, we’re already here with all of my gear, why not? Shot with our 50mm 1.8 lens.
loading dock:
Photographers: GOOGLE EARTH IS YOUR BEST FRIEND! I’ve begun scouting shoots from the comfort of my own home by just using Google Earth. This next location was on the edge of a very popular destination in Downtown LA. There is a collection of repurposed old industrial buildings in the Arts District that now holds cafes, boutiques, restaurants and bars. But, thanks to Google, I found this loading dock on the very edge that is totally out of the way of passersby. It’s solely an entry/exit for employees and deliveries, and I imagine this is a bench where people take breaks. I was actually a little worried we’d get kicked out, but everyone was super cool about us being there. The perks of living in Los Angeles.
I was in love with all the textures here, and had him try a bunch of different poses, remaining with the sullen and dejected theme. I’m also really proud of myself for staying present in this moment because there was an empty water jug just sitting on the floor and I had the idea for him to use it to sit on. If I were less present, I might not have even noticed it. And those were some of my favorites of the whole session!
All of these were shot with the 24mm 1.4 lens.
So, hopefully it translates, but I had this idea for Mike, as the subject, to notice me, the photographer taking photos of him, and have him slap the camera away. I wanted you to feel like you’ve been observing this person having an extremely vulnerable moment, and then, all of a sudden you’ve been caught staring.
I had him change shirts and walk to the very very edge of the loading dock where the sun was beating down at an angle, creating a diagonal shadow from the edge of the building. I wanted the shadow line to split him down the middle.
I have to be honest, these photos are some of my favorite work of all time. Thank you, Pinterest mood board!
Shot with 50mm 1.8 lens.
outdoor patio:
At this point, my vision had already been executed. I felt satisfied. But I thought, while I have him, we could grab a few fun, headshot-y moments. I gotta give it up to my friend, Shea. He went along with everything I threw at him, and we had a blast. I’m really proud of this shoot, and I hope you like the photos!
Shot with our 70-200mm 2.8 lens.
So there you have it, folks. I am finally taking my photography business seriously. And I’ve proven to myself that when I put my heart and my head into an endeavor, I can really impress myself with the outcome.
If you or anyone you know is in the Los Angeles or New York areas and needs a photographer, LOOK NO FURTHER! I am your girl!
Excited to show you all the juicy photo ideas I’ve been cooking up in my brain space. Thank you so much for being a reader. Let me know what you think of this shoot in the comments down below. I’m way more likely to respond here than any other platform, so drop a comment, say hi!
Lastly, it has taken me way too long to walk down the path that has been paving itself for me. Instead of taking the detour that the universe was directing me toward, I stood, waiting for the roadblocks to clear from the path I thought I had to take. Spoiler alert: they never cleared. And I have nothing to show for myself years later because of that. Learn from my mistakes. Don’t be afraid of your detours.