mind the gap

The gulf of words unsaid racks my nerves.
Two and a half years of silence, of avoidance. Two and a half years of wanting to express myself but coming up short for an infinitely mounting list of reasons. Life in this country feels more impossible than ever and between my own empathy and burnout, inspiration has been hard to find.

That being said, last fall Adam and I went on our very first vacation as a couple that had nothing to do with Home Free and wasn’t accessible by a few hours in the car. It only took us five years to be granted that opportunity, and it more than made up for that lack. It was an exceptional week and one we will never forget. And while I’ve been wanting to share the beauty we experienced for that week in October, you might be aware of what else was going on the world in October. For six months now, we’ve had to watch a genocide unfold in Gaza, and our country’s leaders refuse to put humanity over profit. They’ve not only allowed it, they’ve aided its persistence. I’m ashamed of our leaders, and of the systems this beautiful earth is corrupted by. It won’t feel right to move into the recounting of my trip which was made possible by immense privilege without calling out this gross injustice and calling on my readers to do what they feel comfortable with to make a stand for humanity and to call for a ceasefire. For a comprehensive list of actions to take, with many different options depending on your comfort level/ability, click here. Free Palestine.

Now that I’m sure I’ve lost a few of you, it’s important that if you’re still reading you understand that nothing means more to me in this world than equity and justice. I don’t want your like on a post of mine if you can’t see the full humanity of a person based on some made up societal class system bullshit. Thank you for hearing me out, and thank you for letting me use this moment in the way that feels important to me.

Now, I know I said this trip had nothing to do with Home Free, and it didn’t. But I’m going to back up a few days and place us in London where I flew out to meet my partner where he was finishing the European leg of tour. Some of you might not know that I spent my junior year of college in England. The first half of the year in a town just north of Liverpool, the second half in London. If you knew me then, you know how fundamentally changed I was when I came back to the states. I deeply believe profound growth and wisdom come when you pop your bubble. When you are exposed to people of different backgrounds, cultures previously unfamiliar, cuisines you’ve never tried, sights you’ve never seen. There is safety in comfort, but there is radical joy on the other side of discomfort. Lately, I’ve been clinging a little too tight onto my own safety and comfort, so this reminder of a lesson I once learned was refreshing and powerful.

Me, circa 2011-12, when I lived in the UK. That Polaroid around my neck took some of my favorite photos I’ve ever taken.

It’s hard to put into words the emotions flooding my body when I got on the tube and walked the streets I hadn’t stepped foot on in eleven years but that once felt like home. Immediately upon my arrival into Heathrow, I realized that I don’t have phone service outside of the states. (At this point Adam was in Amsterdam, so I was on my own for the day.) I let my anxiety wash over my body for about five minutes before I remembered how well I know this place. How the last time I was here I was deludedly independent and fearless. I chose to be her again.

I boarded the tube and the nostalgia welled up in me to the point of almost oozing out my tear ducts. At one point I had to switch trains, and the universe kissed me on the forehead and let that switch be at Earl’s Court, which is the tube stop I lived off of back in the first four months of 2012. I let a nostalgia or two escape my eyeballs then. Once I deposited my suitcases and my airport grime at my hotel room, I took the tube straight back to Earl’s Court to wander around my old home. I walked down my old street, saw my old flat, my old pub, my old Sainsbury’s. Much was different, but much was the same. I walked my old walk to school, up to High Street Kensington. I was actually grinning. I walked through Hyde Park all the way back to my hotel. Stopping and taking photos along the way, I absorbed every present moment.

My old tube stop!

My flat was the basement floor, so these were our entry steps. The guy I was seeing at the time drunkenly fell down these steps one night. From time to time we’d sit on the upper steps drinking cider and enjoying the crisp air.

This is where I took the best Shakespeare course of my entire theatre education. Shoutout to Michael Winter and the London Dramatic Academy, which I’m not sure even exists anymore.

An old nondescript building I stumbled on in Hyde Park that served no purpose but sure was pretty.

My old flat (or, might as well be. I realized after I took this that my address was 16, not 4. Just a few more down the block. I’m upset about it but that’s what happens when you can’t access the internet and have only your awful memory to go on.) It looks exactly the same so for all intents and purposes let’s imagine it’s my flat.

Me and my flatmates back in 2012. We had the best time.

A cute couple in Hyde Park. 2023. (Also I know all the black and white photos look like they were taken on the first camera ever made. It was expired film, and I’m more bummed out about it than anyone, so let’s just pretend they don’t look like that, okay?)

My flatmates in Hyde Park having a picnic. (2012)

Me walking through Hyde Park (2023)

It’s been a long time since I’ve been that actively present. To put it in perspective, most of us walk the same streets for most of our lives. At any given moment from any given spot, you can recall many moments from your life that took place right there. It is a rare sensation to have been so familiar with a place and then not return for over a decade. But the experience is almost overwhelming. Flooded with specific memories from a succinct chapter of your life. It’s like opening a time capsule. I was blissful here, heartbroken there, overwhelmed here, hungover there, angry here, confused there, excited here, made a fool of myself there. I may have been back but I am not who I was. There are parts of who I was then that who I am now misses desperately, parts that I wish I could still identify with, but there are so many parts of who I was that who I am now can appreciate but be thankful to have grown out of.

When I lived there, I was first and foremost a traveler, a student. Free, untethered, messy, and adventurous. A person not shy about making mistakes, but not quite able to confront my faults yet. I got hurt there and I hurt people there. It was the first time I opened an honest dialogue with myself about my sexuality, about who I wanted to be rather than who I thought I had to be. I chopped my hair off, tattooed my ribcage, pierced my nose. I stepped into my future there. As I walked the posh, damp streets of West London, I couldn’t help but reflect on how unrecognizable I would be today if it weren’t for that period of my life.

I’m so thankful for that girl, as messy and drunk and imperfect and desperate for love as she was. She was wholly unafraid for maybe the last time in a long time, before the adult anxieties and harsh realities of the world and capitalism and racism and classism and sexism hit her hard in the face. I think this was my coming of age novel moment. During the transition from the oversaturated, romanticized, diary-entry version of life in your teens to the gritty real world of adulthood, if you’re like I was, you threw yourself head first into what’s coming for you. When you do so, you inevitably step outside of yourself, take off the rose colored glasses and start to see the world for what it really is. It’s harsh but it’s inevitable. I’m so glad I didn’t hold on to the beliefs I held before I went there. I’m so glad for all the pain and heartache and breakthroughs that came after. I’m so glad to be who I am now, even though I don’t always feel that way. These are some of the thoughts I had while walking through Hyde Park. If you saw me and felt bad for that crying girl walking alone, know I was just opening my time capsule.

After the last show of the tour at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town, we stayed an extra day at a funky AirBnb in Shoreditch with our buddy, Neil. I gingerly nursed a hangover because old habits die hard, we watched a Premier League match which was such a bucket list moment, had a hair of the dog because old habits die hard, and ended the night on the roof of our AirBnb with a cheese board and John Williams accompanying our conversation.

On the rooftop of our AirBnb. I said it was funky!

Fulham VS. Chelsea!

The next day we hugged our friend and boarded a plane to what I can only describe as the most memorable trip Adam and I have taken as a couple.
The story of our Irish exploration comes next week, so stay tuned for that.

I have read and reread this blog post trying to make sure it’s not oozing with cheesy clichés. I know how people talk about people who study abroad. The eye rolls; the “we get it’s”; the glazed over expressions. But, if you’ve been lucky enough to travel, you know the effects it has on your mind and heart. It is expansive and transformative and there’s a reason things are cliché after all.

If you’ve never left your bubble for fear or comfort, take this as your sign to take that leap. If you have the means, it will be the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your community. You’ll return a more empathetic and kind human with a larger understanding of the world and different cultures and that can only benefit the people you interact with on a daily basis.

Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear from you down below about a place you adore that you’re dying to return to, or a memory so sharp in your mind that means a lot for you in your life!

the whole roll

Here’s where I’d like to attempt the blogging equivalent of sneaking into a party full of people 2 hours late in such a stealthy way that everyone thinks you’d been there the whole time. You and I are going to pretend there was not a giant year-sandwich between this post and the last. After all, every one of us experienced the fuckery that was 2020 and 2021 as a collective. I don’t think I need to steal the thunder of the photoshoot we’re here to discuss by delving into the hellscape that was the last year and a half (and the foreseeable future if people don’t fucking get vaccinated). I do make the rules here after all, so you don’t have much choice, reader, but to move on right along with me.

I will just say this, to give some context, and then leave it be. Photography has been hard for me lately. Fucking everything has been hard for me lately. I know I’m not alone in that. Trying to find inspiration, motivation, and sometimes even the desire to create is like searching for a water source in the desert. (She writes as she takes a swig from her HydroFlask at her AirBnb in Joshua Tree like she has any clue what that’s like.) Life since March of 2020 has been so unrecognizable and tumultuous; I don’t need to tell you that, though. You were there. You feel it, too. All this to say I’ve really craved a creative push. An assignment. The quest to reclaim my creative purpose.

I’m here today, on this forum, to bring The Jones back in the form it was intended to be: a photo blog. There haven’t been many opportunities to share my photos and their backstories here in a long time and I just would like to revel in this moment, so allow me!

****reveling****

Welcome back, y’all!

So, a couple months ago, I put out into the universe via the ever mystical “Instagram Story” that I was open for booking film shoots specifically, because film pushes and challenges me in a way digital photography cannot.

My friend Jen reached out and said she’d be down to shoot! To me this was a huge YES. Jen and I used to shoot together almost weekly. If you’ve been here a long time, you’ll recognize her face. There are countless images of her in these entries, and together we’ve always seemed to create magic. We flow famously together, we understand and respect one another’s creativity, and it’s always been the most comfortable and easy “work”.

It had been literal years since we’d shot, so the prospect of this reunion was exciting for many reasons: it would be a clear marker in how far I’d come as a photographer since the days of our collaborations; I knew I’d be shooting with someone who would trust in me and add so much of her own flavor; and above all I knew it would just be downright fun. And after the last year and half, haven’t we all learned that we could all use a little bit more fun? (Unless your idea of fun is going maskless to a grocery store or anywhere that has multiple signs stating that the use of masks is required. Your idea of fun sucks and you should have less fun.)

I wanted to use an entire roll of film on our shoot. That was my only requirement. I didn’t come up with some major storyline or concept. I just told Jen I wanted to play, have some sort of through line, and use the entire roll. I knew our old flow well enough to know we’d figure out the rest as we went.

So she came over, we ended up losing two hours of sunlight to catch up because, like I said, it had been literal years since we’d seen one another, but then we decided we’d be following a girl out on the town on her own. Nothing crazy, nothing too complicated. Just enough to inspire us but not overwhelm us and leave plenty of room to play and oil up our rusty spots. These first photos you see here are our girl coming home from her work day, whatever that may be. I kind of hate that first photo, if I’m being honest. I wish I gave her more direction, more movement, and I wish I took it from a different angle and with different settings. I kind of hate that I’m showing it to the world, but I’m sharing every photo with you because I believe in transparency. In a roll of film, you’re going to probably hate at least one of the photos you took, at least I got it out of the way right at the jump! Think of all the selfies you take before you get the one you want. Now imagine you only have one shot and you have to go with it no matter what. That’s why film is so challenging, but also why it’s so fun.

As Jen and I always seem to do, we found our flow pretty seamlessly. Upon starting, we had both started to visualize who this person was and what her day into night would look like. I didn’t initially have any intention on shooting in my own apartment, but Jen suggested we see this girl transition from day to night look, and I am obsessed with these two photos that came of it. This is why I love shooting with her!

Ahh, here we have Girl contemplating life on her fire escape over a La Croix, or what I like to call my 5PM routine.

Now, Girl gets ready for night on the town. What she’ll get into, she’s not sure, but her gloss will be poppin!

Here’s where I send my formal apologies to Jen for forcing her to face her fear of heights for a photograph. I think it was worth it though! Face your fears, people! (Unless you’re afraid of anti-vaxxers. I would stay far away from their faces.)

By this point, I could feel a bit of panic bubbling up inside because I had imagined us shooting in daylight and catching the sunset towards the end. Well here we are, less than half of the way through the roll and the sun is below the horizon. But instead of letting the panic take hold and cutting the shoot short, we adjusted. I have to attribute a lot of this to Jen. Without her roll with the punches and care free attitude, I may not have been able to remain positive and find new ways to work around the lack of light.

This part of the photoshoot became less about the storyline and more about it just looking kewwwl. This is why we kept the “story” as loose as possible to that it would all fit together even if we veered a bit from the initial point. Here we have Girl alone in an empty rooftop parking lot. We assume she parked all the way up there on purpose to have a few extra moments with herself and the city lights before the elevator brings her into the view she was just taking in.

Here we have some of my favorite photos from the whole night followed by one of the only two flukes in the whole roll. A great reminder that a photographer shouldn’t be judged by their worst photo, but their best. So many things play into a single photo being created, so many opportunities for error. Here we tried to light Jen with these floor lights that were in the sidewalk, and we wanted to make it look as if she was pushing the camera out of her face. Things to remember: because of the severe low light we were working with, I had to have the shutter open for around 1/30th of a second. If you don’t know a lot about photography, that’s not very long. Usually, I don’t like going lower than 1/125th of a second, to give you context. Having the shutter open longer brings more light in, but makes it incredibly hard to have a non-blurry result. Also important, we could not stop cracking up trying to get this photo. We really wanted to attempt it to see what we could achieve, but the positions we were both in to try and achieve this were so ridiculous and we could not stop laughing. So the result is a slightly blurred portrait of Jen about to bust out laughing as she slaps the camera out of my face. Not an award-winning photo by any means, but it makes me laugh.

Here we have a series of photos of Girl around the city. She’s window shopping, she’s sitting on railings, she’s finding her light.
She seems to an observer a bit aimless, but that’s exactly what she wants you to think. She’s flyin by the seat of her pants and she doesn’t need anyone else to have a good time! (This is me working overtime to make a story out of what was really just “ooh this looks cool stand here!”)

Then we headed to this motel that had kind of inspired the whole thing. I shared a photo of it onto my initial Instagram Story asking if anyone would like to do a film shoot here. It’s purpose in this shoot is purely visual, but you could argue that after Girl’s solitary night out, she’s spending the night in an old motel by herself. Why? Who knows, maybe she likes it, maybe she’s into some shady shit. I like the mystery of not answering that question and making you wonder so that’s what we’re going with.

I kind of love that we leave her lying on a couch still in her jeans. The night isn’t necessarily over for our main character, but that’s as much as she’s willing to let you see. Maybe she really is into some shady shit, after all. Maybe she’s waiting for a suitor. Maybe she’s a private investigator who’s been hired to follow someone’s dirty lyin’ cheatin’ partner around. The possibilities are endless! But the roll of film is over, and now so is this blog post.

Thank you for reading and viewing all of the photos from this shoot. It feels good to use this fingers to type on this website again, and I’m looking forward to more photoshoots just like this one to share with y’all. I’d love to hear your feedback. What feelings do these photos evoke, if any? What is your favorite? Please feel free to fill the comment section below with any and all of your thoughts!

Seriously, thanks for being here. I won’t apologize for the time I needed to take for myself, but I’m thankful you’re here after all this time. It means a lot. I hope you’re doing well in this weird and difficult time in our world’s history. We need each other, so let’s be here for one another. That’s what friends (and vaccines) are for!

xo

i made presets!

The day is here!

I am ECSTATIC to announce that over the last few quarantined months, I have been working really hard on creating presets for you! Photography is a true passion of mine, and when I began, editing was so foreign to me. I was unfamiliar with color theory and I certainly didn’t understand all the tools and how to use them. Over the last couple years as I have been putting more of my energy and my heart into photography, I’ve formed quite a love for the editing process. I’ve pulled inspiration and tricks from other photographers that I gravitate towards, but I’ve also learned how to throw my own little signature into my work. And now I feel so confident and proud of what I have created and I want to share it with you!

The first time I realized I could make presets was when I got a catered ad for them by some influencer. The edit was SO simple. Her “preset” that she was charging $20.00 for was a simple boost of the exposure, a boost in temperature, and a bit of sharpening. It was an edit that would have taken me moments. And she was selling it for $20! (I’m not throwing shade at anyone who buys simple presets like this. It just dawned on me in that moment that editing doesn’t come naturally to everyone and there are people who need the help.) My first thought was, “go ahead girl, get your coin,” and my second thought was “why am I not doing this?”

Editing and photography are such an artistic form for me that I couldn’t just create a couple presets that I didn’t think were WORTH spending money on. I spent a lot of time tweaking these until they were just right, and if you follow me on my Instagram, you’ve seen almost every one of these used at one point or another.

The other thing that was super important to me was figuring out the cost. There have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to buy preset packs from photographers I admire, but their prices were just too high for me to rationalize the spending (especially when I already possess the capability to create my own edits for free). If I was going to sell my presets, I needed them to actually be affordable. There are 8 presets in total. Each individual preset is $5.00. There are two preset packs, each including 4 presets, for $15.00. And if you can’t decide and you want all 8, that bundle is $30.00. That’s among the lowest prices I’ve ever seen for presets, and I promise you my whole heart went into them.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

THE ALOOF JONES

You ever meet someone so cool, distant, or mysterious that you spend an unhealthy amount of time creating their entire backstory in your head? This preset brings that same energy.

Muted highlights, desaturated blues and exaggerated blacks give this preset a softness and a depth that lures the viewer in.

All three photos weren’t tweaked at all once the preset was applied.

THE BLOGGER JONES

I kind of created this one on accident. I was trying to compensate for a shoot that was bathed in magenta light. For reference, this was the shoot I created this preset with:

With the edits applied, those photos were taken back to normal, but when I applied the preset to a photo with an already balanced tint, this is what happened.

Moody shadows, boosted clarity and a slight green tint gives photos a dramatic and purposeful edge.

The first two photos weren’t tweaked at all. The second two were tweaked slightlly!

The only change made to this photo after I applied the preset was on the tint. The preset tends to bring reds and magentas towards oranges and yellows, and in this case, it brought those colors a little too far in that direction. So I pulled the tint a little further towards the magenta to bring that life back into Adam’s skin and his jacket.

This photo was a similar situation to the last. Since this photo is bathed so heavily in that one orange-y hue, the preset made the photo a little too yellow-y for my taste, so I brought the tint back up and also brought the warmth up a bit.

THE CINEMATIC JONES

This preset was directly inspired by my love for film. My photographic eye makes it so I cannot miss a stunning shot without leaning over to whomever I’m watching with and pointing it out.

Darkened shadows, muted colors and a warmer palette bring your photos to life.

The first two photos weren’t altered at all after applying the preset.

This photo started out a little on the darker side, so once the preset was applied I raised the exposure by .25!

THE ETHEREAL JONES

This simple preset turns dull locations into mystifying fairytale lands. Think Taylor Swift’s “Lover” era. Use for photos you want to have an ethereal glow.

This photo wasn’t altered after applying the preset.

This photo, which happens to be one of my favorite edits of all time, was just ever so slightly too dark after applying the preset, so I raised the exposure by .10, and the rest is the preset!

This photo goes to show that the preset’s result depends on the photo. The Ethereal Jones is my least used of all of the presets. But when the right photo comes along to use it, like this one, the result can be incredible. This seriously is one of my favorite edits I’ve ever done.

THE GRUNGY JONES

The 90’s are strong with this one. For when your photos need a vibe check. This preset is the filter version of when your best friend blots the sweat off your forehead while giving you a pep talk about how rad you are so you can go talk to your crush.

Desaturated blue tones, lifted shadows and boosted clarity give photos a raw and effortless feel.

The first two weren’t altered at all after applying the preset.

This preset worked really well on this photo and I could have left it as is, but I took this of Adam at golden hour, and I wanted to bring in more of that golden light that was happening in real life, so after applying the preset I just added a touch more warmth.

THE REMINISCENT JONES

This was actually one of the first few presets I created. It is simple but effective!

A simple edit to add some light to your feed. This preset will make the right colors pop and brighten up your image that people are sure to stop scrolling for.

Turn just a moment into a memory with this preset.

I RARELY have to tweak anything once this preset is applied. None of these photos were altered once the preset was on.

THE SUBTLE JONES

You and People Magazine have seen this preset before! (hehehe) I created this preset when I took our engagement announcement photos. I needed something that was pretty, but vague enough that People Magazine would be able to use it. (That means no dramatic shadows or grain, which is not normally my style.) Turns out it works on almost every photo. I applied this to dozens of photos in my library and it worked on almost every single one.

Your followers might not even notice this preset, that’s how subtle it is. Perfect for when your photo is just a bit overexposed. Use when you’ve done such a pro job in-camera that the photo only needs some small tweaks.

THE VINTAGE JONES

I created this preset when I did that shoot with Lilly. I had a 1970’s aesthetic in my head and wanted my edit to reflect that. This was the result! It doesn’t work on every photo but the ones it works on it is SO MUCH FUN!

May you forever edit your photos to look like they were taken on a lower quality camera 40 years ago. This preset gives you all the nostalgia of groovier times.

The first photo wasn’t tweaked at all after the preset was applied.

This shoot was the inspiration for the preset, yet this photo was tweaked a bit to achieve the look I wanted. The Vintage Jones can tend to make the blacks and shadows a little too dark in some circumstances, so I toggled the highlights/shadows/whites and blacks until it was a bit less contrasted here.

And that’s all I’ve got!

Wow! I can’t explain how excited I am to finally be able to share this with all of you! The presets will be available in my shop which is launching Saturday, August 22nd. Over the next week, I want you to tweet me your photos, and I will be applying the presets and sharing them on Twitter so you can see how you like them with some more context! My twitter handle is @samimatarante. I’ll be super active there over the next week and that is the only place I’ll be checking for photos, so be sure to connect with me there!

I hope that you like the presets, and I look forward to seeing them on your feeds soon :)

xo