another lifetime in europe

I’m staring at my computer screen right now, thinking, “Oh man. Where do I even start with this one?” So I guess I’ll just start. If you know me in real life or know of me through Home Free, you’ve most likely already heard of what a wild whirlwind our time in Europe was. So, I’ll spare you from having to read a “dear diary” travel blog describing what it was like. If you’re disappointed because you thought that’s what this blog entry would be, here is where I’ll link the videos I spent weeks working on: one & two. I think they do a pretty fantastic job of summing up the experience. Basically, it seemed like if something could go wrong, it did, and my job was to capture every second of it on film. Needless to say, I barely stopped moving.

Going back to Europe for the first time in seven years, and this time with two fancy cameras, I thought I’d be able to fill a photo album with all the photos I’d inevitably take. I brought like 8 rolls of film. Thought’d I’d go through all of them. I didn’t even finish one. That is how non-stop my job turned out to be. We made incredible memories and I think I can speak for everyone when I say we are happy to have had the experience and wouldn’t take it back, but between the weather, COVID-19, the tornado in Nashville, Adam being sick, our terrible bus driver making us late or causing us to get little sleep, throwing my back out on like day two, barely having any off days, and all the other little snafus, there was barely any down time to make the trip my own. The result is less photos to show you, which really just means hopefully I hold your attention until the end of this thing!

There’ll be just a small description for some photos,
but if you have any questions or want to know more about any specific photo,
that’s what the comment section is for down below!

***To make it not so overwhelming to view, I created little galleries for each day.
Click on the first photo of each gallery and you can click through the photos at full size!***

This first photo was one of the greatest moments of my life. On hour who-knows-what of our travel day to Europe, I had just finished a movie on our flight from Minneapolis to London. I (stupidly) opened my window to see if I could see any cities down below (we were over the ocean), but when I did I gasped and interrupted Adam’s movie to ask him if this was what I thought it was. The aurora was so close and so brilliant, and I teared up staring at it. I know it’s kind of a potato-quality photo, but it was such an unforgettable and unexpected moment that I had to share!

Amsterdam

This was the only time we really had to do exactly as we wanted to do without having to worry about duties or responsibilities. Three days in our favorite city in the whole world. We stayed on a houseboat, ate everything, and soaked in every second.

Amsterdam on film

Leuven, Belgium

Amsterdam Show Day

Hamburg, Germany

At this point in the tour, I was already starting to be able to tell that it was going to be more difficult than normal to get the guys to adventure with me for the camera. So this is when I started trying to take more advantage of the more aesthetically pleasing venues.

Hamburg on film

Copenhagen

Copenhagen on film

My biggest regret of tour happened here. This was the point of tour that I was starting to feel bummed that I was seeing more of the inside of the venues than I was exploring these cities. So while everyone was doing their own thing in the venue, I went for a 15-20 minute walk around the block with my film camera just to make myself feel better and do something just for me. The first photo of the five below was taken seconds from leaving the venue. On my way back, there were two men, both cooks, in that exact spot on a cigarette break together. The entire time I was approaching, I was trying to decide whether or not to ask them if I could take their photo. I chickened out and went back inside. As soon as I got back inside I was kicking myself knowing I should have at least tried. So just like, picture two Danish guys in chef’s clothing smoking together in the first photo.

Skive, Denmark

There are a lot of photos of me trying to creatively show that, yes, in fact, I am on this tour. This was the only one I actually thought was cool.

skive on film

Even the outlets are friendlier in Europe.

The Infamous Travel Day

If you don’t know what I’m referring to, I suggest watching that video I linked to above.

Stockholm

Stockholm on film

Oslo

The only photo we almost didn’t take in Oslo, because girl, it was FRIGIDT. But here we are, exhausted after a full day and an incredible show; me in my crew clothes, and him in his go-to hoodie. The story of why I was so insistent on this photo being taken is that music means so much to us both, and the songs that resonate with both of us have become really special to our relationship. One of those songs is “Norway” by The Brummies. In the chorus of the song they sing “jeg elsker deg,” which means I love you in Norwegian. As silly as it sounds, I was so looking forward to being in Norway so that I could post a photo of us with “jeg elsker deg” as the caption. And I made it happen, y’all. It was the little wins-of-the-day on this tour that really kept us going.

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Oslo on film

Cologne, Germany

Coolest hotel I’ve ever stayed in by a long shot. Europe just does it right. Anyway, enjoy the ridiculous mini photoshoot I did with Rob, Adam and Rupp in the lobby of our hotel. Lots of laughs were shared.

Cologne on film

The man in the middle of the second photo was the most German looking man I have ever seen. Looked like he stepped out of a book. At one point he pulled out a little vile and tapped a substance out onto his finger and snorted it. I fully thought he just overtly did cocaine in the middle of a restaurant during lunch time. That’s when I learned that sometimes people snort coffee? I’m guessing that’s what was actually happening? Can someone from Germany weigh in here??

Hannover, Germany

Berlin, Germany

Literally still daydreaming about the cafe Adam and I went to here, pictured below. I think it might be my favorite cafe I’ve ever been to? And I freakin love cafes. So that’s saying a lot.

Berlin on film (view from our hotel window)

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Prague

Not NEARLY enough time spent here. I wanted to pause time and see every nook and cranny of this city.
An instant favorite.

Munich on film

That is the last photo I took in Europe. The last few days, as evident by the lack of photos, were a complete and utter chaotic whirlwind. The world was rapidly shutting down, and we had to get out of there to keep ourselves and everyone else safe. Girl, do I wish this tour was under different circumstances. But I know it won’t be the last time.

Thank you for getting to this point! I hope you enjoyed this photo blog, and I hope you’re being safe!

The current state of the world we live in is very sad, but I’ll save that for another post.

I’d love to hear from you down below! Tell me all about your favorite city, European or not! Tell me if you had a favorite photo! Or just say hi!

See you soon! xo

day in the life of a lilly

Hey hello howdy happy Thursday to ya.

By the time you’re reading this I’m skipping around Europe, and I’m already prematurely excited to share all those photos I haven’t even taken yet. In the meantime, while I’m gathering that content, I wanted to share with you the details of my last shoot with my dear friend Lilly.

Lilly is a friend I made through serving at the same restaurant. We were there for each other in trying times and in turn, our friendship has survived years post-restaurant.

When I asked her if she’d want to model for me for my portfolio, she was nervous but mostly stoked. She’s never really modeled before so she was worried she wouldn’t know what to do, but I know her well enough to know she’d be great and that I’d be able to direct her well. She sent me photos of pretty much every item of clothing she had so I could style her, which I’ve never really done for a shoot, so that was a new fun challenge!

Initially, I wanted her to look like she stepped out of the 1970’s. Lilly has these awesome straight across, blunt bangs and an eclectic style so I was sure we could pull off the look. What I couldn’t figure out was the mood. If I could pick any era of style to dress exclusively in, it’d be the 1970’s. So, I could shoot it all day every day. Which meant that it was too broad of a mood. I needed to get more specific so I could choose locations and outfits and a “storyline.”

So, I went to my photography notebook and started brainstorming a mood for the shoot. This is what I ended up with:

Someone pointed out to me recently that there has to be a direct connection in the way I work as a photographer and my training as an actor. I never really thought about that before, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and he’s so right. I’m not just fueled by photographs taken on expensive cameras of beautiful people, I want to feel something through the lens. Because of my acting background. So that’s how I had to approach this shoot. I needed to give Lilly a character to play. “The 1970’s” wasn’t enough to lean on. I wanted to tell a story. Let me know if you’d like to read more about this acting to photography relationship! I could make a whole blog post about it if you’re interested. Let me know in the comments below!

Once I figured out who Lilly was playing, the rest came to me so easy. Of course, I took another little journey on Google Earth and scouted my locations. Day of shoot I had everything mapped out. From which outfits she’d wear in which locations, to the route we’d take.

We started out at this adorable apartment building I’d been wanting to shoot at for a while. I gave Lilly the direction that this was her place and she was stepping out for the day, and each passerby she sees she gets caught up in wonderment about. She was super stiff at first, and it was really cute, because I could tell she was very tense and nervous. But we took our time and it was a great lesson in how to effectively direct someone who is less comfortable in front of the lens. The more we focused on the scenario instead of focusing on poses and beauty, the more successfully Lilly showed through.

All of these were shot on our 24mm 1.4 lens.

The next location of the day was the Vista, a vintage-looking movie theatre on the Los Feliz/Silverlake border. It’s painted this gorgeous bright red-orange, and it reminds you of the days people used to dress up to go to the movies.

I had her put on these flowy striped pants and this fuzzy purple vest that I felt Lenny Kravitz would be proud of. When we first arrived here I was a little hesitant and stuck. Sometimes when I find a location so visually stimulating, it’s almost harder for me to come up with ideas to translate how beautiful I think the spot is in real life. But the sun was beating down harshly and there were these potted plants on either side of the entrance, so I had her stand behind one and I shot through it to create some really cool shapes and shadows.

I lost the “character” a little bit here, I admit. But I had to follow the ideas coming to me, and I’m still really pleased with them!

Shot on 24mm 1.4 with the exception of one on the 50mm 1.8.

Then we just played. Lilly’s energy is shining through these photos. She’s such a ray of sunshine and that’s why I knew I wanted to shoot her even though she’d never modeled before. She’s such a positive being with a go-getter mentality and I knew she’d give her all just to help me out.

Taken using 24mm 1.4 and 50mm 1.8.

I tried to get the shots of her through the ticket booth for TOO LONG. To find an angle where I wasn’t getting my reflection or the reflection of the dude behind me waiting to go into work was near impossible, but I wanted it so badly that I kept trying. That third reflection photo you can definitely see me, but I didn’t think it was distracting enough to not include. Plus, I like showing my errors.

Tip to getting portraits of someone who’s a little bit uncomfortable behind the camera: crop! The three photos above were taken at a wider angle than it looks. I used a 50mm and stood a few feet away. So the lens was far enough away from her face that she didn’t feel too unsure of herself and nervous, and then in post I just cropped around her face to make it a portrait! Voila!

These next few photos are some of my favorite. This whole shoot was a bit rebellious of me. I had these ideas, but in almost all of them we could have gotten kicked out for taking photos there. So I saw these velvet ropes and thought, hell, why not? Ask for forgiveness, not permission. This next set of photos were all products of being present and seizing unplanned opportunities that I hadn’t foreseen. The ropes and the red door were just feet away from the location I had picked, and I just couldn’t pass it up.

Then we headed to The Shakespeare Bridge in Los Feliz, which I just discovered this past year and I’ve lived in Los Angeles for over five years. I don’t know why more people aren’t talking about it, because it’s freakin adorable. I imagine it’ll become a new staple in my go-to shoot locations.

The moment I had been waiting for; it was finally the disco ball’s time to shine. Ba dum tsss.

I wanted these photos to be very up close. I’ve never really done beauty photography before. I’m not a fan of retouching, and it’s an area of the art form that I’m a bit less drawn to, but I do think it’s really rad to show someone’s beauty up close, and I felt like Lilly was the perfect person to try it out on. I had to throw some other elements in to keep myself interested, so I bought a disco ball and I used a crystal to get light flares and refractions on the edges of the frame.

Fun fact: in one of the photos below where Lilly is wearing the orange sunnies, you could see me so clearly in the reflection, in an awkward position as I always end up in during shoots. I had to photoshop myself out because I loved the photo too much to scrap it, but my reflection in the sunglasses was all the eye went to when looking at it. See if you can guess which photo I photoshopped the sunglasses of! Let me know your guesses in the comments below.

Shot on 50mm 1.8 and 70-200mm 2.8.

Then we went to the little slice of heaven that is Fred 62 in Los Feliz. A retro diner straight out of the 60’s that looks like everyone should be in poodle skirts and roller blades drinking milkshakes.

The plan was to shoot her in there, but honestly, I wasn’t expecting to take as many photos as I did, so I felt satisfied. So we just ate and gabbed and I snapped a few on film. Speaking of, here are a few of the film photos I took of Lilly!

Ended the day with a parking ticket and lots of photos to edit.

A major major thank you to my friend Lilly, who made the journey from San Diego just to help me out with this. It was a blast and I know it wasn’t the most comfortable day of her life so I really appreciate it.

I’m pretty proud of the outcome! I had almost as much fun editing as I did shooting. Spent more time than I normally do in the editing process, choosing between different styles. Editing can completely change a photograph, and it’s so fun for me to get to play with all the possibilities.

Thanks for reading! I’ll be reading and responding to the comments section so be sure to let me know your thoughts!

baby steps

An excerpt from my notepad:

February 6, 2020. 4:04 pm.

“I’m so proud of myself. I took a small step today towards my future. A step so small that, on paper, looks like it has nothing to do with my overall goal. Most ‘first steps’ look that way, which is why for so long I was scared to make them. Thinking they were a distraction from my main focus. The wrong road leading me away from my final destination. But I have finally started saying yes to the opportunities presenting themselves to me and trusting that I’ll be led straight to the life I’ve always dreamt of. I’m choosing not to think of photography as the wrong way, and instead as a detour. Not the path I planned to take, but the one that is available to me.”

I jotted this down in the Notes app on my phone after I got back from a photoshoot the other day. Why so reflective? Well, this shoot was a bit different than any other so far. It was the first shoot I booked and envisioned ever since shifting my perspective. Like the entry says, I'd been scared of putting my heart into photography and really pursuing it, because I thought that that meant I was moving further away from ever having an acting career. Disclaimer: acting is still my ultimate goal and no amount of, “but you’re a really great photographer/editor/writer/etc., you should really pursue that instead,” is ever going to change that.

But, with the help of a few conversations with loved ones, I’ve been able to shift my outlook to believe that the opportunities presenting themselves to me must be followed. Taking my photography seriously and actually launching my business, I believe, is going to lead me down my unique path to becoming an actor. Because there is no “one way” to success. I believe this is my way.

So, step one, I have to revamp my website and update my portfolio. I wrote out a list of people who I know and don’t have many photos of, if any, to add some variety. The first person to get back to me was my friend Mike Shea. Once he agreed to shoot, I created a mood board. I want my portfolio to represent the kind of photographer I want to be, rather than the photographer who I was in the past. So I created a mood board that represented a vibe I’ve never really captured before but always wanted to. Wardrobe: suit and tie, but untucked and a liiiiiittttle bit disheveled. Found some grungy areas near me on Google Earth, and two days later was the shoot.

the mood board:

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Basically, I wanted the wardrobe not to match the location at all. I wanted to end up with photos that looked like this guy went through some shit right before these photos were taken.

I was SO nervous when we began. I was trying so hard to be cool and collected but I definitely was not. At least, I did not start out that way. After all, I’m to be using these photos to present myself to the world as a professional photographer. I wanted so badly to get it right.

I took deep breaths, took my time really directing him and making sure I was communicating my vision effectively, and I gotta say I am really proud of the outcome. Creating the mood board was a KEY factor in keeping my cool. If I was having any creative trouble, I referred back to the board. If I couldn’t figure out why something wasn’t working, I referred back to the board. It really was the foundation of this photoshoot that kept it afloat, and I highly recommend every photographer adopt this habit.

I’ll break down the shoot by location.

public staircase:

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Here, my direction was pretty much, “as slouchy as possible,” with a little bit of “the fuck are you lookin at?!” thrown in. I wanted you to feel like you were observing someone hurting, and they start to notice you observing them.

I used our Canon 5d Mark III, and switched between our 24mm 1.4 lens and our 70-200mm 2.8 lens.

parking garage:

This set was impromptu. The second location required me to park in a garage that I use pretty frequently. The way the light squeezes through the beams has always intrigued me, and I thought, we’re already here with all of my gear, why not? Shot with our 50mm 1.8 lens.

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loading dock:

Photographers: GOOGLE EARTH IS YOUR BEST FRIEND! I’ve begun scouting shoots from the comfort of my own home by just using Google Earth. This next location was on the edge of a very popular destination in Downtown LA. There is a collection of repurposed old industrial buildings in the Arts District that now holds cafes, boutiques, restaurants and bars. But, thanks to Google, I found this loading dock on the very edge that is totally out of the way of passersby. It’s solely an entry/exit for employees and deliveries, and I imagine this is a bench where people take breaks. I was actually a little worried we’d get kicked out, but everyone was super cool about us being there. The perks of living in Los Angeles.

I was in love with all the textures here, and had him try a bunch of different poses, remaining with the sullen and dejected theme. I’m also really proud of myself for staying present in this moment because there was an empty water jug just sitting on the floor and I had the idea for him to use it to sit on. If I were less present, I might not have even noticed it. And those were some of my favorites of the whole session!

All of these were shot with the 24mm 1.4 lens.

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So, hopefully it translates, but I had this idea for Mike, as the subject, to notice me, the photographer taking photos of him, and have him slap the camera away. I wanted you to feel like you’ve been observing this person having an extremely vulnerable moment, and then, all of a sudden you’ve been caught staring.

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I had him change shirts and walk to the very very edge of the loading dock where the sun was beating down at an angle, creating a diagonal shadow from the edge of the building. I wanted the shadow line to split him down the middle.

I have to be honest, these photos are some of my favorite work of all time. Thank you, Pinterest mood board!

Shot with 50mm 1.8 lens.

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outdoor patio:

At this point, my vision had already been executed. I felt satisfied. But I thought, while I have him, we could grab a few fun, headshot-y moments. I gotta give it up to my friend, Shea. He went along with everything I threw at him, and we had a blast. I’m really proud of this shoot, and I hope you like the photos!

Shot with our 70-200mm 2.8 lens.

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So there you have it, folks. I am finally taking my photography business seriously. And I’ve proven to myself that when I put my heart and my head into an endeavor, I can really impress myself with the outcome.

If you or anyone you know is in the Los Angeles or New York areas and needs a photographer, LOOK NO FURTHER! I am your girl!

Excited to show you all the juicy photo ideas I’ve been cooking up in my brain space. Thank you so much for being a reader. Let me know what you think of this shoot in the comments down below. I’m way more likely to respond here than any other platform, so drop a comment, say hi!

Lastly, it has taken me way too long to walk down the path that has been paving itself for me. Instead of taking the detour that the universe was directing me toward, I stood, waiting for the roadblocks to clear from the path I thought I had to take. Spoiler alert: they never cleared. And I have nothing to show for myself years later because of that. Learn from my mistakes. Don’t be afraid of your detours.

Happy weekend! xo