The Tour Diaries

I understand that much of what I’m going to say next is not relatable. I understand I may be on the receiving end of many eye rolls to report that the parts of my life that seem the most glamorous come with their own set of valid drawbacks. We tend to envy the lives we think we want, and forget that every single path comes with it’s own obstacles. I have been guilty of it as well, so trust me, I get it. I get to go to fancy events with fancy people. I have a platform I wouldn’t have had without my boyfriend. I get to go on tour, which a younger version of myself would never even imagine. I’m aware of all this, and yet, I’m asking you to hear me out for a moment.

Touring is exciting, exhausting, fun, draining, unique, unpredictable, bonding and lonely all at the same time. It’s not a life for everyone. Some flourish within the nomadic lifestyle. Others…don’t. I would categorize myself as part of the latter. I’m a creature of habit. I like a routine. I’m a morning person. When on tour, you can pretty much throw habits, routines, and mornings out the window. It feels like calories don’t count on tour. You’re staying up late, making poor nutritional decisions, and every day is completely different.

It’s exciting. I feel so grateful to be able to have this chapter in my life. There are so many unforgettable memories made on that bus. There is so much laughter and support and genuine fun being had on tour. However, there are many moments that feel so foreign and so uncomfortable because of the way I am wired.

Being on tour with a job is one thing. Being on tour without a job is a completely separate experience. My purpose on tour is solely to be with my boyfriend. When I’m on the bus, I’m the only one there without a responsibility. And while that probably sounds great to some, there are moments when I feel like I’m just anxiously aimless.

I was on tour with Home Free for about two weeks at the end of September. It made sense to Adam and I as a couple because the tour started in California, my birthday fell in the middle of the next week, and because, funnily enough, we love each other and want to be around each other. Who knew?! With my new passion for film, and because I know that when I don’t have a task I can easily feel purposeless and disoriented, I decided to give myself an assignment. Every day on tour I would make sure to take at least one photograph. This gave me a job to do when I had no job to do. And that makes me feel so much less anxious.

I wanted to set out to capture what tour really feels like. What you’ll see below is a mixture of what I think makes each town beautiful, and what it feels like to be living on a bus and in dressing rooms across the country.

I hope what you take from this little blurb of mine is not that I am ungrateful, or unaware that I’m living a life others would be happy to live. Rather, I believe wholeheartedly in “every rose has its thorn.” I believe that everyone is dealing with something, and I’m so over the highlight reels we ingest as truth. I say this to point out that it is possible to be grateful for the life you are living while recognizing the struggles you face in this life. The more you recognize your own struggles, the more you can adjust to make it the best life you can.

I know that it is hard for me to be on tour without a job. So I gave myself one. I adjusted my actions to ease my personal struggles.

If you’re still with me, thanks for letting me bleed. It’s so healing for me to be able to analyze my thoughts and feelings in this way, and I feel so much more like a human when I get to share these sides of myself. And if I seem like I’m rambling, it’s only because I want to make sure I am not misunderstood.

As a thank you for your readership, I thought it would be fun to launch a little interactive contest between The Jones and Instagram. I love so many of the photos below, and will absolutely be posting some of them on Instagram after they’ve already been posted here. But that means redundancy for those of you who support me here. And that doesn’t seem fair! So for every photo I post on Instagram that has already been posted on The Jones, (aside from any photos of myself or Adam) there’ll be a titling contest in the comment section of that Instagram. Hit me with your best. Title the photo, and after 24 hours I will pick my favorite submission, and the winner will receive a signed print of said photo with their title.

Good luck!

Now, without further ado, the Tour Diaries!

Fresno, California 9/18

Cerritos, California 9/19

Bakersfield, California 9/20

Full disclosure: I’m not super proud of this photo by any means. I actually don’t like it at all and almost didn’t include it. But if I only showed all of my successful photos here, I’d feel disingenuous. It’s not the same as Instagram for me. These are the diaries after all. You don’t edit a diary. Plus, we spent so many hours in the car on the day of the Bakersfield show, that even if it’s not the prettiest photo, it’s an accurate glimpse of our day, which is what this is more about.

San Diego, California 9/21

This cute little marina man cleaning the boats melted my lil heart.

I rarely ask Adam to take photos of me. I don’t super care to be in front of the camera. But I loved my outfit and I felt pretty and why am I justifying my boyfriend taking a photo of me?

Tuscon, Arizona 9/22

Midland, Texas 9/23-9/24

We were in Midland for two days and this is the only photo I have to show for it because this is the day I fell really ill with a nasty respiratory infection. Fun!

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 9/25

This was my very first pawn shop experience! There was a dog! I fed him a chip!

Houston, Texas 9/26

Dallas, Texas 9/27

This. This is what tour feels like. Alone in a dressing room. Dirty hair, leggings, and a three wolf moon tee shirt that you’ve been wearing for days. Taking in the calm before the storm. I always pictured musicians on tour to be just raging 24/7, but so much of it is just finding quiet moments to recharge.

You can keep your flowers and your chocolates. The most romantic thing Adam does is when he just picks up a camera and takes a photo of me. He makes me feel like a beauty, and maybe that’s a little shallow, but it’s so meaningful to me.

San Antonio, Texas 9/28

Austin, Texas 9/29

Well, that concludes the Tour Diaries! Let me know what your favorite photo is, and remember that it’s okay to feel anxious or sad or frustrated, no matter your status in life. In fact, those moments are inevitable. What is important is not to sit passively in those lows. Be proactive. Know the difference between opening up and just complaining. Take charge of your own life.

Have a happy weekend folks! Take care of yourselves, and don’t forget to participate in the contest! Keep your eyes peeled. xo

flicker

A blog re-launch AND a follow up post all in one month?!

LOOK OUT WORLD, SHE’S DOING THE BARE MINIMUM!

In all seriousness, when I made my triumphant return to The Jones, I wanted to be sure not to let history repeat itself. I didn’t want to lose sight of why I was blogging. I didn’t want to feel pressured to post. If I’m going to blog, I’d rather post what I would want to see and read myself.

In the last year of my life, I’ve had a lot of beautiful ups and awkward downs. Most recently, I’ve found a new jolt of inspiration in film photography. It’s been an extremely exciting endeavor for me that has jumpstarted my creativity and imagination.

Since that’s what has been most inspiring to me as of late, I feel like there’s no greater subject to expand upon here at The Jones.

To quote every youtuber ever, “Let’s jump right into it!”

Earlier this year, I had felt a bit burnt out on photography. I either had ideas that I didn’t think I had the means to accomplish, or had the means right in front of me with no ideas to be found. The tumblr feed of inspiration inside my mind started leaning more and more towards the grainy, nostalgic tones that film cameras capture so well. The idea of film felt like a faint flicker in a dark tunnel. It excited me. But with money as tight as it has been this year, it felt like a far off dream that wouldn’t be a reality for quite some time. For an early birthday present this year, my boyfriend completely surprised me with a film camera, and if my parents weren’t also in the room I would have jumped on him right then and there. People: get yourself a partner who pays attention when you speak about things you love, and supports all your weird hobbies.

I was like a child with a favorite toy all over again. I can’t tell you the last time I was this excited just to fail at something if it meant I’d learn a little bit more. Inspiration was at an all time high.

And then an opportunity presented itself, as they always do when you need them. Our good friends, McKenzie and Reilly (of The Hound + The Fox) are wildly talented musicians and at any given time have a full list of upcoming tunes they are working on written on a white board in their house. Luckily for us, one of those upcoming tunes was one of my boyfriend’s favorite songs, “Hurt,” the Johnny Cash rendition of the Nine Inch Nails original.

I hadn’t seen Adam more excited about a musical project maybe ever. And that’s really saying something because he is living his musical dreams. He was so amped about recording the song and music video, that he suggested we document the entire process on black and white film. I was honored he thought of me in this way, and touched that he trusted in my capabilities as a photographer.

My first task was to finish up my roll of color film, which was mostly used on Reilly and McKenzie’s son, Rowan, because how could you not?

One of my favorite things about shooting on film is the patience that is required. You could shoot 2,000 photos of someone in one session on digital if you wanted to. Film forces you to be deliberate, and wait for the shot. It’s challenging, and so rewarding. I couldn’t snap a burst of photos of Rowan jumping up to reach for the leaves. I had to wait for the exact moment I wanted to capture. And that obstacle makes it so thrilling to me.

Lately, I’ve been trying to pinpoint why I want to capture the things I do on film, and why it’s different from what I want to capture digitally. I haven’t totally figured it out yet, and I’m sure you’ll read a lot more on this as I discover more. For some reason, knowing I’m shooting on film makes me look at the world in a different way. I don’t care to capture the most obviously beautiful aspects of life. Shooting on film makes me want to capture the in-between. With the rise of technology allowing us to escape reality, I think we forget how beautiful our reality really is.

Now, there are so many wonderful benefits of shooting digitally. You can basically turn the most mundane photos into something spectacular in post. You can check your work and fix your mistakes immediately. You can have the photos instantly. There is no doubt that shooting digitally is a completely different ball game with it’s own set of awesome advantages. However, there is just something romantic to me about working harder for the shot in the moment and trusting your talent, knowing you won’t be able to edit the raw image in post.

All of these photos were taken in real time, while these guys were rehearsing, discussing, recording, and working. Some photos didn’t work, because of the settings I had. But that’s all part of this learning process. Receiving this roll back was literally like Christmas morning for me. I’m so proud of them. And if I do say so myself, I think I nailed it. I feel like you can feel how much fun we all had working on this project through the images. That’s what I feel like is sometimes missing from digital photography that you just can’t fake. Real moments captured truthfully.

Scroll through and leave a comment down below on which photo is your favorite!

Okay okay, I know I said none of them were posed. This one was. Don’t they just look like they know more than you?

Right before I started shooting McKenzie’s recording session, I realized I had only met her the day before and already had a camera in her face. I was worried I was going to be a disturbance or an annoyance. She quickly made me feel at ease and was just a joy to shoot. This quiet moment before they started might be my favorite capture of her.

And so, the song was recorded. One roll down.

The next day was the video shoot. We had one more roll of black and white so I really had to be choosy with what I shot. It was a magical afternoon in the mountains. The conditions couldn’t have been more perfect. We were working with a dream team. And as we wrapped the sun began to set.

Here are the photos from shoot day!

We begin with this one, which is not during the shoot. It was during a side of the road pee break while Kenz and Reilly made sure we were going the right way.

The last shot on the roll. After we wrapped, I mentioned I just wanted one photo of all of them that would be semi-posed. I didn’t give them anything specific to do. I just said, I want the image to feel like “we did it!!!” And I can’t recall what was said to make everyone laugh, but everyone started to laugh and I decided that was it! And it’s probably my favorite photo from the entire process. You can see how much fun we were having. You can see the thrill of having just created something beautiful.

It’s healthy and so refreshing to be a part of something like this. And I want more of it.

The next day was spent just hanging out with our friends.

And I, of course, took more photos.

It was such a great time that Adam and I still talk about. Not that this is what this blog post is about, but Reilly and McKenzie are some of the best people that have come into my life in a long time. They are family to us now. And to get to create amongst talented people who support you is the greatest feeling.

If you haven’t yet, head to The Hound + The Fox to check out “Hurt,” and while you’re at it just watch all their videos because they’re wonderful.

Thanks for reading! I’d really love to hear from you what you think of these photos, if you think there’s something I can improve on, if you have a favorite photo and why, etc. Scroll down to the comment box and talk to me!

Happy November! xo

is this thing on?

If you could see all the drafts I have right now, you probably would not be surprised, being as it’s been almost two years since I’ve published anything on this website.

I know we all hate the “if I had a dollar for..” saying, but if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what happened to my blog over the last two years, I could probably go out for dinner tonight instead of sadly eating my pathetic cooking.

What I’m not going to do is go into major detail on why I’ve been away from The Jones. Since my last post, so much life has happened. So much has changed. For better and for worse. I’ve gained and I’ve lost. Sometimes life gets in the way of the plans you make and for a little while, The Jones didn’t really make sense to me. And I didn’t intentionally disappear; I more-so just waited to feel like it made sense to me again.

There came a point during my hiatus where I believed I’d never return to these drafts and revive this outlet I once cherished so much. The pressure of “a return” scared me away from even wanting to. So I honored that.

But recently, I’ve been feeling so many things. I feel at a crossroads in life, which puts me in a complete state of openness and vulnerability. I really feel like the next set of choices I make are going to define the rest of my life. So basically, I’ve been a freakin head-case trying to sort out how and why I feel and think and act the way I do. I’ve felt dragged down by my own mind. And I don’t have money for therapy, so I’m doing all of this mental gymnastics by myself and with my poor, patient boyfriend.

And then I had the thought. I used to take to The Jones when I felt this way. It always helped. I lost that outlet in my life for no other reason than I took it away from myself. Suddenly, being away from The Jones made no sense to me. So, I thought, I should give it back.

In the (almost) two years since I’ve written here, I’ve evolved and so have the things that are most important to me. The longer we live in this social media age, the more important transparency becomes for me. I feel like transparency has become as much of a calling for me as acting has always been. Every single day I aim to pull back the curtain as much as humanly possible while still maintaining some privacy. I want this to be my safe space for that. It matters to me so much that I remain a positive influence, especially online. So, I want The Jones to be a place you click on to feel better; less alone.

If you’re reading this because you’re excited that I’ve relaunched this love of mine: welcome back! I have a few ideas for how to stay inspired in this space, and I hope you’ll ride along. If you’ve only started following me recently and had no idea I even had a blog: welcome! Thanks for stopping by. Sorry for the dramatics. It’s not always this way. Just like 80% of the time.

So what can you expect from me here? Inconsistency. I made this space my online journal, and I intend to maintain my format-less format. Whatever inspires me to sit down at my desk and share is what you’ll get. Authenticity. Ramblings. Art. Photography. Basically, my journey. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

So, that’s all I’ve got for you today! Just an announcement of my return. If you’ve got reader’s blue balls, feel free to peruse some past entries to see what The Jones was all about. And please please please, leave comments! Let me know what you’d like for me to share. I’d really love for this to be a space where we can connect and share with each other, not just from my end.

Be safe, be kind and happy Sunday!

xo